The Brooklyn Paper police blotter reports that a Bay Ridge drunkard used his own excrement as a weapon Sunday morning. Around 5 a.m. an unidentified man returned home with his girlfriend only to be “welcomed by the aroma of excrement. The couple investigated the smell, only to find… a drunken man ‘covered in fecal matter’ sitting on the stairs outside his own apartment in the building. The man had damaged the victim’s door, which was now also ‘covered in fecal matter. ‘” The two men proceeded to wrestle “on the floor.” Cops arrested the 42-year-old nincompoop, but rogue crappers still haunt the borough—another drunk guy defecated “all over” a Livingston Street building because he mistook it for the Marriott hotel where he was staying. (He returned the next day to apologize, but it’s unclear if that was enough to wipe the slate clean.)

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Shitty Fight in Bay Ridge